Miercuri, Martie 4, 2009, 04:38 AM 

10 Steps guide to success for some Indians
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This 10 steps guide is made for the sole use of the waiters of the Sitar restaurant. To avoid any confusion due to numerous restaurants with the same name in the world, I refer to the one in the picture below. However, the steps from 1 to 5 might be helpful as well for other people with similar origins.
1. Perhaps the most important element of the universe is the water. This resource is not that limited as you might think, so feel free to use it, at least two times a day, combined with a soap, shampoo or shower gel. Don’t assume your stench will kill any virus, scientists have proven that an elementary hygiene does actually help the state of health. Use deodorants and anti-perspirants, this will allow us to have a normal conversation with yourselves even if there is no open window near-by.

2. If we’re talking about the bathroom, well, let’s see what a bathroom must have. Well, in the first place it should have a water closet, abbreviated as W.C. Actually; there should be more of these, even if you don’t really use them. If you’re expecting many guests, like a group of 20 boys you should consider at least 4 closed cabins, you cannot expect them to take a pooh on the street. Put a mirror, a wash-hand basin, a soap and towel. Even if we talk about the hut that you foolishly call a Sitar restaurant, Indian traditional objects do not fit here especially if they’re fragile. However, if they break don’t blame the customers

3. One important item that your own bathroom should have is the tooth brush. Use it three times a day with good toothpaste and roll it throughout your mouth. Help with Tic Tac or Orbit pills and we might be able to talk to you not only by the phone. Use a hair brush as well from time to time. Remember that you have hair on your scalp not a TV aerial.

4. Stick to the mouth. ..You should be careful about the words that come out of it. Start with something easy, like words from 3 to 6 letters. Try thanks, welcome, help or hi or bye. You can then make some progresses like How can I help you?, or Welcome to Sitar or Enjoy your meal . Whatever you do, don’t ever mention the word fuck. It’ only me who’ll use this word each time I’ll see your silly faces.

5. As mentioned already on point 1, don’t assume. Assuming it’s too complex for your mind. It might blow! As a good friend says, Never assume Always ask. If someone is sick, try to help. Humans evolved in Europe. We don’t live in the jungle anymore here. One animal hurt, one animal down does not apply to your customers.

6. If the fate made a joke and you run a restaurant, try at least to classify the food on your dirty menus. Tikki, Samosas, Pakora, Korma..all this crap means nothing for the most of us. Just some silly junk food. That’it, get it once! There is no way you can place a sweet meal on the same page with a very spicy one. You might want to follow though the Thai’s approach classifying your junk food with 1,2 or 3 chilli peppers. Doing this, you will avoid the long queues to the toilets.

7. There is no ad on your logo saying CRAP. Hence, you might consider introducing some European/ regular food for occasional customers… like a beef steak . I will volunteer as a butcher, if you allow me to do it in the middle of your so-called restaurant. There are many coming just because their friends want to. Consequently a broader range of choices than a bowl of chips might be a good idea.

8. Just remember not all the customers work for Animal Planet TV. Consequently, they don’t know how to deal with chimpanzees. They really think they have a human in front of them, so don’t act like a primate. Golden rule: Don’t yell! You might impress your ape female by doing so, but you won’t get anything than repulsion from your customers.

9. Once you got us poisoned, it’s time to do the bill. Well, that’s tricky. Don’t lose your head and add items one by one. Buy a calculator and type all items’ prices separated by a ‘+’ sign. In the end press ‘=’ key. Add only what we had, don’t include your own dinner and your own dreams on the bill. Once done, wait for your visitors to pay it. If you have a difference, try to settle it with calm. They might be accountants, for God’s sake!

10. If you evolve and you pay money for a website advertising your hut, make sure you have only what you can handle. There’s no point of buying books if you can’t read. There’s no point in having a feedback form on your site if you don’t reply to it. After all, you don’t care of our feedback at all, so why pretending it?


  1. dracu

    dupa cum zice un prieten:

    "un indian bun e un indian mai putin" :)

  2. Sabotor

    Sunt total de acord cu expresia asta. Din nefericire, am aflat pe pielea mea, pentru ca am un indian in echipa.

  3. acquiesce

    Ce e un 'beef stake'?

  4. unique2

    acquiesce: era de fapt beef steak, dar cred ca eram prea nervos sa mai verific :D. Beef steak e friptura de vita. E evident ca n-am sa vad asa ceva la ei din moment ce ei nu mananca vitele, ci le venereaza :d

  5. andreea

    Ii rezolva francezii, eu am gasit pe bulevard takeaway cu 'beef vindaloo' lol

  6. acquiesce

    Apreciez faptul ca ai corectat. Ar trebui sa stii ca doar hindusii venereaza vitele, India e o tara mare cu o populatie foarte eterogena din toate punctele de vedere.
    Alta idee buna ar fi sa alegi alt restaurant in momentul in care 'semnele de avertizare' sint atit de evidente.

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